A Letter to My Dear Bicycle Thief

Dear Bicycle Thief,

I want to thank you for helping me feel like a complete moron!

Last week you slashed my rear tire, stole the red blinking light and two plastic tire levers from my under-the-seat bicycle bag, and left the red felt "tongue" hanging out of the bag to greet me as I walked to my bike, which was at the Urey Lecture Hall.

That was humiliating enough as I had been warned by my family not to leave stuff on my bike, but I figured I had earned my lesson and moved on.

Then today (Tuesday) I came out of the Liberal Arts building to find that you had take the (now empty) under-the-seat bicycle bag in addition to my front headlight, although you left my tires alone this time and apparently ignored my bicycle pump for a second time. Maybe you were leaving that for a third attempt! Too bad, I've removed that from my frame and it shall never touch my bicycle again.

So now after receiving some sympathy from my family and regretful sympathy (but no options) from Public Safety you have successfully completed your goal (if such was the case) of making me feel like a moron!

Now I must reduce the level of respect I have for the fellow users of the University of Montana-Missoula campus as well as the trust I had that what was on my bike in the morning would be there in the afternoon!

I hope you are happy in your work, dear bicycle thief - you've done a good job!

Now I will again try and move on to other things - like purchasing replacement parts - and re-evaluate my travel plans and methods for ensuring the security of my personal possessions.

Moronically yours,

Andrew